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The Mummy Returns 2001

The mummified body of Imhotep is shipped to a museum in London, where he once again wakes and begins his campaign of rage and terror...

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Solar rating: 8.2


Imdb rating: 6.3

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This movie stars Brendan Fraser and the Rock. It's rated PG-13 for constant violence and for the one time a little kid said "ass".

Maybe I shouldn't be writing a review for this film. I haven't seen the first Mummy movie and didn't know what anything was about. I went into this movie hoping to get clued in on the action, but it never happened. The first part of the film contained the Rock saying a worthless Egyptian phrase like he's reading it off a script. Then there were some minutes of true PG-13 violence, such as a guy brutally murders a guy by stabbing him, but the scene switches just as the sword goes in. After this battle b/n 2 tribes that are enemies, I presume, the scene switches to Fraser searching underground. We don't know what he's looking for. His whole family, his wife and son, is also searching. Other guys, who are presumed bad guys are being taunted by Fraser's crazy son. He shoots something out of his slingshot, and after he is discovered, the underground is flooded by the Nile (don't ask), so the kid is saved, making the scene a Pokemon scene. This brings me to my next point.

All this movie is just a VIOLENT version of Pokemon! If you are not familiar with the notorious Pokemon plot, it always involved Ash and his queer friends getting into some kind of trouble and then getting out of it impossibly at the last second. This also means Team Rocket (bad guys) gets into some kind of fortune and loses it at the last second. The TV show attempts to be a serious, action cartoon, and obviously thousands of 5 year olds consider it serious. But 5 year olds usually don't attend movies with a PG-13 rating. The good characters in this movie are: Fraser, his wife, the kid, Fraser's brother, some guy who looks like Jesus, and an African-American guy who sells a weird type of hot air balloon. I'm about to give away the ending, so some of you who want to see stupidity should skip down a few lines. But those characters listed above are the ONLY main characters who survive at the end of the story. Any 10 year old watching this movie would realize the slim chance of that happening. The movie also makes many Pokemon jokes. A sample joke would contain the line "That's what I just said". This movie would almost be like the movie: "Big Trouble in Little China" except for the happiness/ gayness involved in it that comes straight out of Pokemon. Both of those movies essentially have no plot. That's all I'll say comparing those movies.

I discovered about 1 minute before it happened that the goal in this movie was to get the kid in a pyramid before dawn. I felt proud of myself. By looking at my watch, I soon discovered that it wasn't the goal and that there was a clear "to be continued" in the "plot". After the MummyRap the next episode started. This time the kid was kidnapped by bad guys. Of course according to Pokemon rules, the kid ( probably Ash in disguise) had to get away from his kidnappers. Ash2 orders his enemies to do things, such as not look at him when he's using the bathroom. Of course it all works out. If I had not been with friends I might have walked out of this film at about the 1:30 mark.

I was confused throughout much of the film. One incident was when the mother was killed right after the kid made it into his pyramid before sunrise. OH NO! It's Pokemon blasphemy! As expected though, the kid finds magic words that bring his mom back to life. A weird thing about this film was the way characters resembled characters from other movies. I distinctly remember seeing Jafar from "Aladdin" and Darth Vader from "Star Wars", and probably others, too. I could've sworn those fighting dogs were Pokemon.

This movie is definitely very bad. It appeals to children except for the violence. It appeals to teens because of the violence but the stupid jokes and little-kid plot repeal us.

Opening: Couldn't understand it. Pathetic violence, maybe b/c I didn't see orig. Mummy 7.5

Middle: (includes possible endings) 4

Happy Ending: Pokemon ending. Wonderful. 4

Music: ?????? N/A

Visual: Idiotic explosions of demons and demon murderers. Bad guys die and violence seems like it's edited R. 2

Bad content: Exactly same as above. ASS is NOT NEEDED. 2

My Expectations: 0

Roger Ebert: +2

2*.5/90 = 24% F

Recommended ages: Under 8 who enjoy violence

Over 13 whose IQ is less than age.

No best age.
Identity 10/02/04

Good idea, but only half done. Entertaining enough, but it always feels like there's something missing. Effects are done OK for the most part, although two really noticable slips are the motorbikes and the flying kick towards the end. Overall, just put your brain on autopilot and sit there...
Film 6/10
Video 7/10
Sound 7/10
Extras 5/10
Overall 6/10

These two films, while by the same director and having the same cast, are so different it boggles the mind.

The Mummy was a roller coaster of action and adventure. The action was all well done and Brendan Frashier was fantastic. The villian, the mummy, was evil. Yet, you could kind of feel for him. That's what makes a good villian. This is a fun tale...just not a great film.

"Brainless fun!"
-- Robert W. Butler, KANSAS CITY STAR

The Mummy Returns is a mess. It tries to recapture of the first movie but falls on its face. This was just an example of cashing in on a popular films success. The sequel was just a mediocre attempt. The Rock showed promise in the movie though.
"The mummy returns, bringing with him the Curse of the Summer Movie Sequel."

Bredan Frashier could be a big star. He shows flashes of excellence, but his choices in roles have bogged him down. He will rise one day if given a prominant role.

The Mummy Returns: I know it's totally devoid of meaning whatsoever, it's a pure popcorn movie and it's totally cheesy sometimes...but I really like it. John Hannah is so damn funny. Prefer the first one though.
Mulholland Drive: First, I knew before seeing the movie that it would be weird. So I went in it prepared. I don'tthink I would have liked it otherwise because I would have been busy trying to figure out what is going on. So I just sat back and enjoyed all the bizarre moments. What I also really like is that its narrative is so twisted.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Actually, same comment than the one for 'the mummy returns'. Just replace John Hannah with Johnny Depp and ignore the last sentence.
Dogma: I've been raised as a Christian so I was glad to watch a movie that makes fun of all that dogmatic blabla. I don't undersatand those who say that it is anti-religious. I think it's really pro faith. I mean, I don't believe in all that anymore but Dogma almost made me believe again. AND it's incredibly funny!
About A Boy: I think it's a good adaptation of Hornby's book, even if they changed some important aspects. It is an endearing movie and a somewhat untypical buddy movie. Love also the fact that you have the two narrators, especially when one of repeats a comment the other one said. Highly recommended film.

Of course, in the meanwhile I've seen also a lot more movies. But I don't know when I'll write about those...
...To help create FX for crummy movies! Some reviews from the fanboys at ain't-he-fat-news...

Pardon My French...
Angry Fanboy
'Nuther Angry Fanboy

Now that I have your attention...

Anybody interested in getting a group for Van Helsing? Sunday Afternoon, while we're settling down from the Tso-Yeh wedding? Probably a local theater, like the Bay Street or something.

I was thinking Friday originally, since I figure most of you would probably leave the binge drinking for the Reception. But I'll be catching the crew screening Friday night until about 10:00 pm. Besides not wanting to watch something twice in one night, bridge construction will probably keep me from getting anywhere until about 11:00 pm. And that's prettylate

So Friday night bad, Sunday afternoon good. Lemme know if you're up for it.

Also, saw Kill Bill 2 for the 3rd time tonight, and stuck around for the end of credits for the 1st time (at Pat's suggestion), and was duly rewarded.
1st June 2004 will be a day i shall remember. It opens up a new chapter of my life, where i am posted to my new unit, which is essentially hell. Just my first day on the job and i already cannot stand it. Expect fewer posts on RT now, my Constant Reader. Tomorrow is Vesak Day, a public holiday, which gives me a brief respite from my woes. I might be able to cram in a few more reviews before i bid adieu, after which my reviews will be more infrequent and my response to any messages will likely to have a significant lag time.

1st June 2004. Today Skullclamp was banned in Mirrodin Block and Type 2. Can't say it was unexpected, and for once i might have agreed with the bannings although it might be uncalled for in block. This marks the first banning in Type 2 since Memory Jar in 1999 and the first block banning since Lin Sivvi and Rishadan Port in 2000.

First, I'll get some minor things out of the way. My house was TP'ed last weekend. Seriously, who does something like that other than on Halloween or April Fools Day? Punks. I also finished Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything, which I've been whittling away on for over a year now. I wouldn't call Bryson one of my absolute favorite authors, but I'll gladly pick up anything he writes. He usually does travel narratives, but this time he branches out into the world of science, in an attempt to make it interesting. He does this with hit-and-miss success; the parts about natural disasters are, of course, interesting, while parts about cells and gravity aren't exactly page turners. Fortunately, it's the sort of thing you can pick up and put down whenever you want to, and it is decidedly more interesting than your average textbook.

Now, for the real purpose of this entry. I checked my ratings and noticed that almost everything that I've rated here is :fresh: fresh. Of course, since I'm not a critic or anything I see only what I want to see, which is mostly not crap. Not to mention, I tend to be generous with my ratings. Therefore, to even the scales a bit, here are various movies that I can think of off the top of my head that qualify as :rotten: rotten. Since I can only do 5 ratings at a time, I'll officially rank the rest of them later.

Northfork: You either like it or you don't. I didn't.
Spy Kids 3-D: In which an otherwise wonderful series goes to hell.
The Mummy Returns: I could discuss at length all of the problems with this movie.
Jurassic Park 3: Meh.
Wild Wild West: See above.
Batman and Robin: I could also discuss at length all of the problems with this movie, too.
Yojimbo, Sanjuro, and The Seven Samurai: For some reason, Kurasawa's samurai movies just don't work for me. I liked Dreams, but these... they're kind of boring. Mifune is a veritable badass, and probably the best thing about all of those movies. Yojimbo I probably like the most; I could give it a 6/10 with some generous rounding. But Sanjuro just bored me to death, and The Seven Samurai was too damn long. Call me a boor, blame MTV, do whatever. I don't like them.
The Grand Illusion: The only grand illusion I picked up on was that this is a classic film.

And then there's The Usual Suspects. I really should watch it again in its entirety. And yes, it's the ending that bothers me.
Even more...
The Mummy:
For its time this film was very uniaue in special effects but the story to this film was also suprisingly interesting for those interested in it. This Film had some very strong points and managed to be fun for its 2 hours.

The Mummy Returns:
Definately better than the first though containing several deadly slow points that make you move around in your seat and look for more popcorn. I also found the action and characters to be more fun this time around and the style more grand than in the first one.

The Scorpion King:
Based off a character in the Mummy Returns this film had many conflicting scenes with the first one. For instance the Rock's character is a bad guy who tried to control the world in this film he's a good guy trying to stop some one from controling the world. Though I did have fun I think the film would have been better had it not been based off a character that was a bad guy.
There really isn't much to say about it. The special effects are good, but they're all CGI, with practically no respectable visual effects at all. The action is okay, but not very unique or exciting. Almost every sequence in the movie amounts to nothing but a decently executed cliche. The movie ends up exhausting you, but unfortunately you don't walk out thinking that it was particularly fun. It's good for a few viewings, two or three at the most, but after that you'll be fed up.

As far as its ups... It doesn't flat out suck. That's about all in that area.

I really wish my mom had gotten me a different movie for Christmas, or that my father hadn't ripped the packaging all to **** so that I could trade it for store credit towards something worthwhile. Now that I've seen it twice or so, it's nothing but a frisbee/coaster, and doesn't do a very good job of either.
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