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Let me introduce you to my friend there on the left.

This is Virginia Ruth, class of 1965. I found her during a random google image search. Ginny sweetie? Loooooove the hair.

This lovely young lady below (who is my forum avatar) is Rachel Herbert in her role as Number 58 in The Prisoner (episode Free for All).



"Don't worry. All will be satisfactory in the end. Give my regards to the homeland."

I have a thing for 60s, British, cult TV with cool set stylings a la Magritte. You can throw The Avengers in that pot of love too. No, not the movie. Which, by the way, ranks number one in my personal list of 'worst. movies. ever.' Well, maybe tied with Wild Wild West. Another *brilliant* TV show bitch-slapped by Hollywood.

Okay. Now I'm just bitter.

I'll take it out with that cool little "ratings" feature. Is zero really as low as you can go? Shame.

Got my tickets for the midnight showing of 'Azkaban today. Nothing like an opening night geek fest and I am so excited I'm squealing like a 15-year-old girl at a sale at Wet Seal! Seriously. Even got the following day off. Which, I learned after sleeping outside the Coronet for 3 days before Star Wars 1 (or rather, NOT sleeping for 3 days outside the Coronet) is crucial. Going to work and seeing 'trails' from sleep depravation? Not cool.

Welp. That's it. My first log in my first blog. That was relatively painless. Well, except for the Avengers part...
First, I'll get some minor things out of the way. My house was TP'ed last weekend. Seriously, who does something like that other than on Halloween or April Fools Day? Punks. I also finished Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything, which I've been whittling away on for over a year now. I wouldn't call Bryson one of my absolute favorite authors, but I'll gladly pick up anything he writes. He usually does travel narratives, but this time he branches out into the world of science, in an attempt to make it interesting. He does this with hit-and-miss success; the parts about natural disasters are, of course, interesting, while parts about cells and gravity aren't exactly page turners. Fortunately, it's the sort of thing you can pick up and put down whenever you want to, and it is decidedly more interesting than your average textbook.

Now, for the real purpose of this entry. I checked my ratings and noticed that almost everything that I've rated here is :fresh: fresh. Of course, since I'm not a critic or anything I see only what I want to see, which is mostly not crap. Not to mention, I tend to be generous with my ratings. Therefore, to even the scales a bit, here are various movies that I can think of off the top of my head that qualify as :rotten: rotten. Since I can only do 5 ratings at a time, I'll officially rank the rest of them later.

Northfork: You either like it or you don't. I didn't.
Spy Kids 3-D: In which an otherwise wonderful series goes to hell.
The Mummy Returns: I could discuss at length all of the problems with this movie.
Jurassic Park 3: Meh.
Wild Wild West: See above.
Batman and Robin: I could also discuss at length all of the problems with this movie, too.
Yojimbo, Sanjuro, and The Seven Samurai: For some reason, Kurasawa's samurai movies just don't work for me. I liked Dreams, but these... they're kind of boring. Mifune is a veritable badass, and probably the best thing about all of those movies. Yojimbo I probably like the most; I could give it a 6/10 with some generous rounding. But Sanjuro just bored me to death, and The Seven Samurai was too damn long. Call me a boor, blame MTV, do whatever. I don't like them.
The Grand Illusion: The only grand illusion I picked up on was that this is a classic film.

And then there's The Usual Suspects. I really should watch it again in its entirety. And yes, it's the ending that bothers me.
More ratings.. Damn, that'll be difficult to remember all the movies I've seen during the time I couldn't login.. but let's try
I love Will Smith. He is so cool and I want to shoot the gun like him in this movie. It is such a great western, and is one of my favorites, next to, um, say, like, Unforgiven. And there was some great sets. Even though the dialogue is moronic and the direction even worse, Will's abs are so great. And it's freaking awesome. I want to have them.

WILD WILD WEST
(BARRY SONNENFELD, 1999)
PG-13
1 HOUR 47 MINUTES
Comedy
3.25/10
great..... but had much room for improvement... sad compaired to the tv show
:rotten: :rotten: :rotten: :rotten: :rotten: This has to be the worst casting job in the history of cinema. The Producer, John Peters has some sort of bizzar fascination with spiders so we get a giant one. The plot never comes together. It's a mess. They made a mess of the "Wild, Wild West"
This movie should have been retitled "Wild Wild Mess." After much speculation, the truth finally comes out about the overly hyped Will Smith vehicle: It is the loser of the summer season.

Rehashed from a 1960s series that no one under 30 will remember unless they stay up late watching Nick at Nite, it is full of special effects, headlining stars, and a talented director. So what went so terribly wrong?! The main problem is the story, or more accurately, the absence of one. This movie meanders through the entire plot, characters are thrown in, but there is NO story whatsoever.

Will Smith is a real disappointment. Even though he is such a charismatic actor and has a natural likability, he couldn't save this disaster in the West. There is so little chemistry between Smith and Kline that it probably would've been better if ILM just created a western Jar Jar for Smith to banter with. The jokes are so lame and unfunny that I slapped myself in the face more often than I laughed.

The beautifully delicious Salma Hayek plays peek-a-boo with the audience as she disappears and then reappears periodically throughout the movie. She has no real purpose except for some T&A and a forced romantic love interest. After playing every possible Shakespearean character, Kenneth "there is no such thing as overacting" Branaugh now focuses on being an evil Lt. Dan of the South. His villain is more kooky than dangerous and provides more unintentional laughs than thrills.

This is an incredible lumbering mess that shows what can go wrong when children are not supervised while playing with daddy's toys. May John Peters and his mechanical spider rot in hell! I want two hours of my life back

Nate's Grade: D
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