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Not since Steven Spielberg's notorious flop 1941 has a film seemed so desperate to use special-effects and loud explosions as a way to distract the audience. At least Spielberg's film, while bad, has a certain elegance to its chaos, as well as a satirical idea motivating the destruction. Wild Wild West, on the other hand, is a complete mess of a film: an action/comedy/western/sci-fi film that fails in every one of those genres. It is a shame when comic talent is so egregiously wasted, yet that is the case with this movie, which manages to make both Will Smith and Kevin Kline boring and occasionally grating. Smith plays Captain Jim West, a man who would be the quintessential 19th century Western hero if he were not an African-American. In an effort to stop the villainous Dr. Arliss Loveless (Kenneth Branagh) from conquering the world (or something, I forget), Smith soon teams up with Kevin Kline's Artemus Gordon, who is a master of technology and disguise. Remarkably, these two gifted comic actors have absolutely no chemistry together...every scene between the two feels forced and oddly uncomfortable. There are other elements that make Wild Wild West a very unpleasant experience. The screenwriters have secondary characters make several references to Smith's race, most of them derogatory. While this may be historically accurate, the racism that is prevalent in this movie does not enhance the comedy, it casts a pall over everything that is supposed to be funny. Worse still, the things that are supposed to be funny aren't even funny...they are tired, predictable jokes that are wedged into the story rather than emerging naturally from the personalities of the characters. The climax of Wild Wild West could be used as Exhibit A in the case against Hollywood excess. It involves a gigantic robotic spider that hurls fireballs and causes a great deal of destruction. Why is this spider here? It is not funny, not thrilling, and not particularly impressive. Come to think of it, the spider could be a perfect mascot for all that is wrong with Wild Wild West.

Let me introduce you to my friend there on the left.

This is Virginia Ruth, class of 1965. I found her during a random google image search. Ginny sweetie? Loooooove the hair.

This lovely young lady below (who is my forum avatar) is Rachel Herbert in her role as Number 58 in The Prisoner (episode Free for All).

"Don't worry. All will be satisfactory in the end. Give my regards to the homeland."

I have a thing for 60s, British, cult TV with cool set stylings a la Magritte. You can throw The Avengers in that pot of love too. No, not the movie. Which, by the way, ranks number one in my personal list of 'worst. movies. ever.' Well, maybe tied with Wild Wild West. Another *brilliant* TV show bitch-slapped by Hollywood.

Okay. Now I'm just bitter.

I'll take it out with that cool little "ratings" feature. Is zero really as low as you can go? Shame.

Got my tickets for the midnight showing of 'Azkaban today. Nothing like an opening night geek fest and I am so excited I'm squealing like a 15-year-old girl at a sale at Wet Seal! Seriously. Even got the following day off. Which, I learned after sleeping outside the Coronet for 3 days before Star Wars 1 (or rather, NOT sleeping for 3 days outside the Coronet) is crucial. Going to work and seeing 'trails' from sleep depravation? Not cool.

Welp. That's it. My first log in my first blog. That was relatively painless. Well, except for the Avengers part...
This movie is horrible. I fell asleep watching it. This is the second time I saw this movie and beleive me it has not improved.

Beef #1: A guy with no lower body due to a horrific accident. Um modern medical science would probably be unable to fix this sort of thing, so it is extremly doubtful this guy could have survived in the 19th century.

Beef #2: The last image a person ever sees before they die is engraved in their eyes and can be projected on to a wall. Heck if this was even remotly possible I'm sure a lot more crimes would be solved.

Beef #3: A giant walking spider. How on earth could they have that technology? They can't that's how. What people do not know is Kevin Smith once wrote a Superman script and was asked by the producer to put in a giant mechanical spider, Kevin Smith said no which led him to walk out on the project (shame to because it was an amazing script), the producer still wanted to see a giant mechanical spider so he snuck it in to his next picture which so happened to be Wild Wild West. Guy if one of Hollywood's prominent writers says it is a bad idea, maybe you should listen.

This movie was just horrible, please don't waste your time. Go do or see something worthwhile. This is two hours of your life you want back.
I think Will is a very good actor. He's funny, too. And I have one of his CD's. Man, is he talented.
So I saw I, Robot today.I thought it was the best movie so far this year, beating Spider-man 2. The FX's were awesome, it kept me guessing, and it was funny.The only problem, early on,we get to see Will's butt when he showers. Lovely.
I have Men In Black, and I watch it a lot. I love it.
The sequel wasn't quite as good, seeing as it had the same plot, and it less then 90 minutes long.
Wild Wild West was not very good.Mixing Western with Sci-Fi? Not Smart.
And Independence Day, the mother of all recent alien movies. Will Smith and Jeff Glodblum rocked.
First, I'll get some minor things out of the way. My house was TP'ed last weekend. Seriously, who does something like that other than on Halloween or April Fools Day? Punks. I also finished Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything, which I've been whittling away on for over a year now. I wouldn't call Bryson one of my absolute favorite authors, but I'll gladly pick up anything he writes. He usually does travel narratives, but this time he branches out into the world of science, in an attempt to make it interesting. He does this with hit-and-miss success; the parts about natural disasters are, of course, interesting, while parts about cells and gravity aren't exactly page turners. Fortunately, it's the sort of thing you can pick up and put down whenever you want to, and it is decidedly more interesting than your average textbook.

Now, for the real purpose of this entry. I checked my ratings and noticed that almost everything that I've rated here is :fresh: fresh. Of course, since I'm not a critic or anything I see only what I want to see, which is mostly not crap. Not to mention, I tend to be generous with my ratings. Therefore, to even the scales a bit, here are various movies that I can think of off the top of my head that qualify as :rotten: rotten. Since I can only do 5 ratings at a time, I'll officially rank the rest of them later.

Northfork: You either like it or you don't. I didn't.
Spy Kids 3-D: In which an otherwise wonderful series goes to hell.
The Mummy Returns: I could discuss at length all of the problems with this movie.
Jurassic Park 3: Meh.
Wild Wild West: See above.
Batman and Robin: I could also discuss at length all of the problems with this movie, too.
Yojimbo, Sanjuro, and The Seven Samurai: For some reason, Kurasawa's samurai movies just don't work for me. I liked Dreams, but these... they're kind of boring. Mifune is a veritable badass, and probably the best thing about all of those movies. Yojimbo I probably like the most; I could give it a 6/10 with some generous rounding. But Sanjuro just bored me to death, and The Seven Samurai was too damn long. Call me a boor, blame MTV, do whatever. I don't like them.
The Grand Illusion: The only grand illusion I picked up on was that this is a classic film.

And then there's The Usual Suspects. I really should watch it again in its entirety. And yes, it's the ending that bothers me.
More ratings.. Damn, that'll be difficult to remember all the movies I've seen during the time I couldn't login.. but let's try
I love Will Smith. He is so cool and I want to shoot the gun like him in this movie. It is such a great western, and is one of my favorites, next to, um, say, like, Unforgiven. And there was some great sets. Even though the dialogue is moronic and the direction even worse, Will's abs are so great. And it's freaking awesome. I want to have them.